Friday Eye Candy

CEL-E-BRA-TION TIME, C'MON!

EVERYBODY'S JOININ' IN! FIVE YEARS AGO TODAY, DICK CHENEY WAS NAMED ACTING PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, WHILE GEORGE W. BUSH UNDERWENT A MEDICAL PROCEDURE THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE INVOLVED A RECTAL PROBE!

IT'S THE FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY!

LET'S HEAR IT!

DICK CHENEY FOR PRESIDENT AGAIN.

AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!

Toughest Man in the World... All Ours

Congress thought it had him.

Ha.

John Edwards thought he had him. Then he mentioned Mary's lesbianism.

Ha.

Tim Russert thought he had him. He tried to use videotaped comments as a weapon.

Ha.

Nobody gets Dick Cheney.

Nobody.

DICK CHENEY FOR PRESIDENT.

NOBODY GETS HIM. NOBODY.

IMPEACH CONGRESS!

WASHINGTON, USA - The Senate subpoenaed the White House and Dick Cheney's office Wednesday, escalating the legislative branch's unconstitutional eavesdropping on the Vice President.

"Today's action is another example of the abuse of power that has become the hallmark of the Reid-Pelosi Congress," said Vice President Cheney from an undisclosed steakhouse. "Congressional spying on me without any kind of warrant and without my approval runs counter to the very foundations of our democracy."
-- The Wall Street Journal

***

"We hold these truths to be self-evident: That... whenever any form of government becomes destructive... it is the right of the [Vice President] to... abolish it."
-- History

***

"Render unto Caesar... the things that are God's."
-- Jesus Christ

FREE FREEDOM
IMPEACH CONGRESS

Cheneytorial: Journalism's Journal Needs Murdoch

The greatest journalist in history is going to buy The Wall Street Journal.

Could life be sweeter?

We at DRAFT DICK CHENEY FOR PRESIDENT hereby express GREAT DELIGHT at the notion that help is on the way to the American print media.

At long last, the troubled Bancroft family - which may or may not have included arch pinko-lefty Anne Bancroft -- will relinquish its iron-fisted, liberal-bias reign over the newsroom.

At long last, good reporters will be able to write fair and balanced stories, without the taint of their left-leaning editorial barn-keepers.

We might even get some scandals about Democrats for a change!

LAST TIME WE CHECKED, THERE WERE STILL SOME UNANSWERED QUESTIONS ABOUT HILLARY AND WHITEWATER. READY, WALL STREET?

EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT:
THE NEWS IS GOING TO TURN GOOD

Countdown to Ecstacy Anniversary

Only two days 'till the FIFTH ANNIVERSARY of the day when Dick Cheney became acting President of the United States:

June 29, 2002.

That day, while George W. Bush was rendered briefly unable to govern due to a necessary medical procedure that may or may not have involved a rectal probe, Dick showed he can handle the job.

And with aplumb!

In 2009, let's let George W. Bush have all the medical procedures he wants to have, with or without his rectal probes, and let's have DICK CHENEY BE THE ALL-TIME PRESIDENT OF THE UNTED STATES.

Probe Dick Cheney for President
And leave the polyps to Iran.

Washington Post Attack Falls Short

The left-leaning Washington Post's army of dirt-diggers has found nothing on Dick Cheney. Nada. Zip. Zero.

And that clears the way for 2008.

Let's see Pretty Boy Edwards or Al "Save Me, I'm a Whale" Gore handle some commie scrutiny for a change.

We say this: The GOP should have a Search Committee name its 2008 candidate. And guess who should head it up?

DICK CHENEY FOR 2008 SEARCH PARTY CHAIR
WHY CHANGE A DEAL THAT WORKS?

OLÉ!

Once again, Dick Cheney has made the DemocRATS see red and act like fools.

They went to court to learn who Dick met while writing U.S. energy policy in the Executive Branch. They thought they had him. And then...
... OLÉ!

Dick's newest reply: As President of the Senate, he's not in the U.S. Executive branch, and so their request is all wet.

They have to rewrite the whole damn thing, and when they do, Dick will just outwit them again.

He'll never talk, even if they waterboard him.

Not because Dick Cheney has anything to hide.

DICK CHENEY ISN'T A RAT, THAT'S WHY.

AND THAT'S NO BULL!

DICK CHENEY IN 2008.
HE'S NO RAT.

Friday Eye Candy

Double dose!

NEWSITORIAL: Five Minutes To Doomsday

A great danger faces the world.

According to the news, criminal scientists are close to developing the so-called "Gay Bomb," a briefcase explosive that, if detonated in a major city such as San Francisco, could turn millions of upright citizens into perfumed, bone-licking, ass-pounding, boa-clad abominations.

Within minutes, every social interaction would be transformed in a diamond hard frenzy of Dad-on-Dad graftification, with all human dignity sacrificed on the Satanic altar of ecstasy.


In other words, never has Man faced a more terrifying threat.

We hereby call upon President George W. Bush to convene an International Council on Gay Weapons Disarmament to hammer out a lasting, unbreakable ban on this doomsday device.

Our children are at stake. Our families are at stake.
Stop the Gay Bomb... NOW!

WMD FOUND IN IRAQ

Recently, 58 Arabic-speaking U.S. servicemen sashayed out of the alternative lifestyle closet, saying could no longer tolerate the Army's "Don't ask, don't tell" policy on funny business.

Were they contaminated by the remnants of a long abandoned weapons program?
Had Saddam tested the gay bomb?

In the name of humanity, the Pentagon has disbanded its gay bomb program. But it's time to ask a fundamental question:

What if Iran builds such an unspeakable, doomsday weapon?

DICK CHENEY WILL NEVER LET IRAN GET THE GAY BOMB.

He's seen the evil up close.

Playing into the Hands of Terrorists

It's almost flag-burning time for Al Gore's Inconvenient Woodstock on July 7. While the anti-war pinkos cavort in the mud and chant rain-stopping mantras, we just hope enough good undercover cops can infiltrate the acid scene to keep the fruits from spoiling in their basket. The Muslims will have plenty to pray about after al Jazeera shows Tipper Gore flopping braless on her man-tub's shoulders. When we see Al Gore's legacy, we understand what the Femocrats mean when they yell, "Save the Whale."

Don't worry. The hippies won't get a job any more than they'll play decent songs, the kind that have made American Idol such a consistent source of entertainment. We have one piece of advice: TURN IT DOWN.

DICK CHENEY FOR PRESIDENT
TURN IT DOWN

Benedict Bloomberg

Finally... Little Michael Bloomberger is leaving the Republican Party.

That's one less Damnocrat sleeper cell to worry about.

Did anybody think this whiny New Yawker was truly one of the GOP?

Does he hunt? Own a gun? Go to church?

This is the limousine liberal who invented no smoking in bars.

Which means you can work hard all day, pay your taxes, stop off on the way home for a couple of beers, and you can't even light up, even if you were born here.

And this guy wants to be President.

Well, we have something to say to Mayor McCheeseberg:

YOU CAN'T QUIT THE REPUBLICAN PARTY! YOU'RE FIRED!

YOU'RE NOT AMERICA'S MAYOR!

YOU'RE NOT EVEN AMERICA'S DOG CATCHER!

AND YOU'LL NEVER BE PRESIDENT, BECAUSE YOU'RE A PUNK!

DICK CHENEY SAVES SOULS

BLOOMBERG FILLS POTHOLES

TEN DAYS AND COUNTING...

... TO A VERY SPECIAL ANNIVERSARY.
JUNE 29, 2002...
THE DAY DICK CHENEY WAS PRESIDENT!

That's right. On June 29, 2002, our man briefly assumed THE POWERS AND DUTIES OF THE PRESIDENCY when he became ACTING PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, while George W. Bush was knocked out during a medical procedure that may have involved a rectal probe.

We're gearing up for a big bash to celebrate THE PROBE THAT NEARLY CHANGED THE WORLD.

DICK CHENEY PRESIDENT... PROBE HIM AGAIN!

THE BOSS SAYS PARDON LIBBY

We've been made aware of a new song by lefty Bruce Springsteen, who miraculously seems to have seen the light. He makes no secret of backing Scooter Libby's pardon.

It's called "10th Avenue Freeze-Out," which we're told has to do with the War on Terror.

The key lyrics are unmistakable:

Tear drops on the city
Bad Scooter searching for his groove
Seem like the whole world walking pretty
And you can't find the room to move

In the last verse, Springsteen ties everything with an open call for Libby and Cheney to do some "rockin!"

From the coastline to the city
All the little pretties raise their hands
I'm gonna sit back right easy and laugh
When Scooter and the Big Man bust this city in half,

In the past, Springsteen has been too much of a left-wing looney for our tastes. But with this new song, maybe there is hope after all.

And we're "with it!"

DICK CHENEY
BORN TO RUN

Friday Eye Candy

Big time.

Can you guess the secret message?

No more Macacas!

About damn time!

The new GOP Guidebook warns ALL candidates to never, ever, EVER let up your guard in front of the enemedia, because they're hoping you'll use the wrong fork or hurl a racial slur.

One innocent "macaca" can kill a campaign. Look what it did to George Allen's boy!

Not only did it ruin his Senate run, but they even outed his mom for being Jewish.

NEVER AGAIN.

GOP CANDIDATE, WATCH YOUR MOUTH
THERE'S OTHER WAYS TO WIN THE SOUTH!

Rather v. Moonves: Settle It Like Men!

When talk won't settle it, men don't walk away.

We wouldn't mind seeing Dano v. Less in an Ultimate Fight.

Dumb v. Dumber. Liar v. Liarer. Worse v. Worst.

But it's not likely to happen.

It's been a long time since we've heard Dan use the word "courage."

We guess he leaves that Bill O'Reilly and Cal Thomas.

Whip Inflation Now, and Lick Jerry Ford!

We're very proud that the Greatest Vice President Ever got to put his stamp of approval on the new Gerald Ford, postage stamp.

But we still think 41 cents to mail a letter is highway robbery.

The kind you'd expect from that Immigration bill. (Sheesh. What are they thinking?)

Vote Richard Cheney

Everything will get better...

BOMB THE BORDER

Last week, the Vice President's ally and all around good-guy, Rush Limbaugh, foiled the Bush/Kennedy giveaway of America to the Spanish threat.

But this isn't over.

We have the Democrats, the Spaniards and their fellow traitors on the ropes.

As Ben "The Thing" Grimm says:

IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!

DICK CHENEY '08
BUILD THE WALL & MINE THE GATE!
WHACK THEM ALL, WHY WAIT?

GOP BEATS OFF DEMOS

Safe for now.

Whew.

So much for Benedict Arnold Spector.

This Man Gave All

I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby toiled for America. He fought for America. He loved America.

And he lied for America.

Just once.*

To save American lives.

His reward?

A long prison sentence, handed down by an activist judge.

"Scooter" Libby deserves a medal, not metal bars.

A laurel wreath, not an orange jumpsuit.

A statue, not an open commode.

When Clark Kent lies to save lives, they call it "protecting his secret identity."

When "Scooter" does the exact same thing, they call it a crime.

That's why we chant:

Free "Scooter!"
Free "Scooter!"
Free "Scooter!"
Free "Scooter!"

What do we want?
Amnesty for "Scooter!"
When do we want amnesty for "Scooter?"
Now!

Mr. President, tear down that judge!

*That's all they have on him. One stinking little lie. Why isn't Bill Clinton in jail for lying about taking a woman not his? Why isn't Barack Hussein Obama in jail for lying about his cigarettes! Why isn't Howard "Garrrraahaha" Dean in jail for lying whenever he opens his big fat mouth? What we have here is a double standard. Why does Harry Reid get a free pass for lying about the immigration bill? He said they'd vote it in! They didn't! It died! He's a liar! Why do we look away? When I was growing up, ladies and gentlemen, and going to school, if one of us lied, our parents and teachers and community leaders would take it very seriously indeed. There was none of this moral relativism. But today it's not what you do, its who you are. The courts and the media have passed sentence on Mr. Libby. They want to put a good man in jail, and they won't tell us for what, and that is just stinking rotten, not fair. Not fair. Not fair. We will never accept this. Never. Because it's not fair. Put Hillary in jail! I won't bother to list her lies, because there are so many tens of millions of them, too many to count!

BREAKING NEWS ALERT! LYNNE UP FOR SENATE SEAT! LYNNE UP FOR SENATE SEAT!

WY-O? WHY NOT!

THE GREAT STATE OF WYOMING MIGHT SEND LYNNE TO THE SENATE!

SECOND LADY = FIRST SENATOR.

A FOIL FOR SEN. HILLARY!

YOU GO, WY-YO!

Developing...

DRAFT LYNNE
BEGIN "AGIN"

Friday Eye Candy

Lynne, 3rd from right, 1958. Wow!

MEDITORIAL: TIME TO FLUSH THE JOHN AND CHECK THE TICKER

Lub-DUB. Lub-DUB. Lub-DUB.



With all respect to the good guys of Wall Street, it is time to check the most important "ticker" in the world.

Today, Richard Cheney sees the doctor.

"Take off your shirt... Turn your head and cough... Fill this beaker to the red line... Bend over and spread wide..."

They say it's just a routine physical. But when you're on blood-thinners, you suffer shortness of breath, and the jackals of the liberal media are hounding you, hoping to photograph you peeing in a bush... well... nothing is routine.

Sir, America's heartfelt prayers are with you.

(But for sake of Lynne, ask your doctor for a free sample.)

LOVE-DUB. LOVE-DUB. LOVE-DUUUUB.

CHENEY FOR LEADER
As for Clinton? He'll beat her.

NO JUSTICE, NO PEACE

HEAR OUR CRY, AMERICA.

If Scooter lied, it was a good lie. It was a lie meant to help people.

It was not a lie meant to hurt anybody.

DON'T PUNISH A GOOD MAN FOR TELLING A LITTLE WHITE LIE.

FREE SCOOTER. FREE LIBBY NOW.

If you must jail somebody, here's a "candidate."


Dick Cheney for President
Keep Scooter a U.S. resident!

PARDON TIME IS NOW

MISTER PRESIDENT,

RELEASE SCOOTER LIBBY FROM THE RUSTED SHACKLES OF WASHINGTON INSIDER INJUSTICE!

DO NOT LET THIS INNOCENT, RIGHTEOUS MAN BE PUNISHED!

DO YOUR JOB, SIR.

DO IT NOW.

DO NOT MAKE DICK CHENEY DO IT FOR YOU!

OR HE WILL.

CHENEY IN 2008
PUT DICK ON TOP

P.S.: Happy 2-week birthday to Sam Cheney, Miracle Baby with the Multiple Moms!

This Isn't Funny

When Dick Cheney's the President, they won't dare mock him on book covers. And what's the big idea of showing him in the same crowd as Killary, Kerry and Barack Hussein?

There ought to be a law.

Prez Dick: Shootin' Putin

Once a God damned Commie, always a God damned Commie.

The Red Bear wrangled a free hissy-fit pass during the era of Mrs. President Clinton, but he's feeling the red white & blue heat now. And if Dick Cheney takes command, there'll be no more Polonium 201 in the highballs of our allies ever again.

You hearing this, Comrade Pooty-Poot? We have a War Czar now!

DA! Or DUH?

Be Putin' down the missiles, Vladdieboy.

Dick is coming, Russkie.

The cold war ain't over 'til it's over. And it ain't ever gonna be over.

DICK CHENEY IN 2008.
IT'S NOT TOO LATE!

Femocrats Debate: Who Can Surrender Fastest?

Why in God's name anybody would have watched this slop?

You call that a Presidental debate?

"Bawwwk-bawwwk-bawwwk, praise Allah! raise taxes! plant trees! join the union! eat tofu! and bring our boys home!"

Ladies, they're not boys. They're men.

And Dick Cheney is not afraid to send men into battle.

And if any of these dove-lings steps into the ring with Dick Cheney, he or she is going to get a new one.

And we don't mean a brand new bike.

CHENEY FOR CHIEF!
Let terror know grief.

What's the matter, Mahmoud? Chicken?

Yeah, that's right, pally. You damn well better pray.

You better pray Dick Cheney doesn't come after you!

Because it'll be the day your little sand castle gets stomped!

It'll be payback time!

For the hostages! For Iraq! For your stinking gasoline prices! For 9-11!

We don't need your lousy hummus. It's not even any good without roasted peppers, anyway.

AND DON'T GO WHINING TO CONDI, BECAUSE SHE'S NOBODY.

There's one player on the White House piano, and his name is Dick.

CHENEY - THOMPSON!

DICK AND FRED!

MAKE OUR ENEMIES

WISH THEY'RE DEAD!

Friday Eye Candy

Lynne is so lucky!